Creatures in Love
by A Death By Dark Chocolate
Summary: A tale of two lovers, a beetle and a wolf. The plot twists and excitement will keep you reading chapter after chapter! Too bad there's only two so far...
1. Chapter 1

Looking through his old Hogwarts yearbook, Remus Lupin tried to figure out whom to invite to his wedding. In eight months time, he would be wed to the beauteous, the perky, the spontaneous and outgoing woman who had captured his heart—Rita Skeeter.

He already knew who his best man would be—his loyal best friend, Danpa the panda. This was clear to him from the start (the maid of honor, of course, would be Rita's best friend of twenty-four years, Dolores Jane Umbridge). Their wedding singer would be Stubby Boardman, critically acclaimed throughout the wizarding world in every country; especially his team of publicists, who worked for the Quibbler, recommended him, though at first they had tried to book the amazing and original muggle rocker, American Idol runner-up Bo Bice. Oh, how he and his best furry friend Danpa enjoyed the soothing, heavy metal sound of Mr. Boardman's voice! He could only just picture the wedding perfectly, with the church painted a lovely shade of lilac, in memory of the well-loved wizard genius, Gilderoy Lockhart. Rita would look stunning in her tight-fitting gown of orange and green dragon skin, and ruby slippers glistening in the moonlight, for their wedding would take place at one o'clock in the morning.

Remus sighed exasperatedly as he finished daydreaming of that fateful day to come. Then, in the corner of the room, Danpa grunted, bringing him out of his trance as he snapped back to reality.

"Right," Remus said, "the guest list." As he turned back to his yearbook, he added, "You're a mighty fine furry friend…furry is as furry does, remember that!" As Remus turned another page, he stopped and stared. He saw a gorgeous picture of his old girlfriend from Hogwarts, Severusa Snape. _It's too bad she got a gender change, _he thought disappointedly. _Otherwise I'd be marrying her—or is it him?_ Remus pulled up his sheaf of parchment on which was written at least three hundred names of people who would be invited to the wedding. Dipping his quill in his hot pink ink, he wrote in neat calligraphy "Severus Snape".


	2. Chapter 2

"No, no, no! It's ALL WRONG!" wailed Rita Skeeter, sobbing melodramatically, tears streaming down her cheeks. The staff of _Weddings for the Witch and Wizard_ gave each other puzzled glances as they attempted to comfort the hysterical bride-to-be, assuming the worst. "NO!" she continued, "This dragon skin is the wrong shade of orange! It should be _much _darker."

"But miss," replied the general manager, "dragons just don't come in that color."

"Then _make _them come in that color!" shrieked Rita, "or I'm changing my design. As a matter of fact," she screamed, "I've changed my mind! I want yellow feathers everywhere! And nix the ruby slippers—I must simply have hot pink Converse All Stars—high tops! And couldn't you have booked Ashlee Simpson? That muggle makes _me _look better on stage. And of course, we want me to look my best on my special day. Isn't that right, Remy?" she asked in a sugar sweet falsetto, glancing at him. When he didn't reply, she said, sounding more angry than sweet, "_Right?"_

Remus jerked back to reality, stuttering tiredly, "Right, absolutely right, dearest. Anything for you, darling." What Remus had really been thinking was, _I wonder if Danpa should get his fur dyed for the ceremony to match my lovely robes of puke green and baby pink._ He had also secretly been wondering if Severus's voluptuous breasts were still as soft to the touch as they had been when he was female. _I'd still love to get a piece of that!_

"Yo, pass me that joint," Harry said to Dobby, an eager expression on his face.

"Yeah," Ron added, "give it to me, too."

Dobby, who was usually high, gave one of his normal responses: "Harry Potter _must not get high on weed!_" he exclaimed.

Sighing and rolling his eyes, Harry said, "Give it to me, _now!_" With that, he grabbed the weed from Dobby's tiny elf hand. He inhaled and exhaled, taking in and savoring the taste of the narcotics. Dobby reached over to the unsuspecting Harry and tried to steal the joint back.

"Give it to me! NOW!" Dobby exclaimed. Harry would not give up the weed; he fought relentlessly, not giving up. However, Dobby was just as determined. Meanwhile, everyone had forgotten about Myrtle, who had been sleeping in the U-bend of her toilet.

"What is all that ruckus?" she shrieked angrily. Suddenly, water began to seep out from under each stall, and the sinks filled up faster and faster. At this point, Hermione walked into the bathroom.

Adding to the commotion, she began panicking. "What are you doing? Harry! You can't give narcotics to house elves!"


End file.
